Lemon Tree

I am but a lemon tree
Fruitful all year round
Yellow with invitation
but thorny on the surface

I am but a lemon tree
Leaves full through seasons
Never dull of brown
but hard on bark

I am but a lemon tree
Strong at root
Overcome storm or hail
but stubborn in flourishment

I am a lemon tree
You may feed off me
Hate my taste
Need my bite
but...please water me.

Here I am

There's a tree in the valley
Alone but yet surrounded
Through summer, spring, winter and autumn
It stands
Oblivious to what is around
Blind to what is within
God made rain and God made sunlight
To sustain
He then gave the tree friends to care for
And them to care for it
But one day the tree must know
Itself to flourish
And say
Here I am.

To remember

I didn't mean to forget you
Its just that, you fell of the list
Oh maybe you decided to move
Maybe you were never there
Maybe I had what I created on
I meant to love you
And tried even when you said no
I was but a child
And you were but a child
To you, not to me
You were rather rude
You never played fair
Because I needed your protection
Fearless I was fearful you are
Maybe that is the hill
Maybe you see you in me
And I am all the possible that you rejected
I am the recklessness you fear
The colour that blinds you
So, I will reverse into the galaxy
Where we sit and sip tea
Where you know me and I am you
In that corner where you let me be
And believe I will make you proud
Because you are me
I really didn't mean to forget you
But it all became chronic
A decision had to be made
In the hope that you understood me
Read between the lines
Hear inbetween the silence
A silence that saved me
From the chronicness
Maybe in time in space
Inbetween the planets and stars
We will have a second
To love, to forgive, to be in the moment
To remember

Dear Child

I know. Its tough. It sucks.  Why do you hate your life? Your job? Why don't they understand you? Why don't all your relationships not work? I mean really I should be happy.  But you are not. You followed the rules. Creche. Grade 1 -12. University. Honours. Job. Marriage. Kids. Blah blah blah blah blah. Sigh.  Today you have the husband/wife, car, house and the child. But somehow it doesn't add up. 1+1 = 1.5 and not 2.

Do you know yourself? No not the person you were raised to be. Not the one you were trained to be.  Not the one you were threatened to be or else.  Who are you? What do you want? Why are you here? In the bigger picture are you seriously doing anything to alter life or the world? Better yet the universe.  In your entire 24 hour day do you do something that serves anything? Or anyone? Or best yourself? I mean what is you functionality though?  Why are you taking oxygen?

Many people are a result of what they saw, learned, experienced and fear.  Most of the time the things that create peoples minds are what they believe they've forgotten.  You know that day when your mom hit you so hard for not washing the dishes? You over it right? But when someone screams at you with that exact same intensity, that experience flashes back? Why? Hmmm and have you dealt with it?  Is that why you are so anxious about not washing the dishes before you go to bed?

If you sit back and evaluate your actions you will read a pattern; a pattern created by experiences from your own life. There is a specific way you treat others, yourself and situations everyday.  Then you decide that your personality is introvert, extrovert, short tempered, impatient, kind, loyal, etc. How else could you really be if all you know is what you were taught.  I mean how will you know if Hinduism is good for you if you have been trained and threatened into being an atheist? And is life possible out of any religion?

You then find someone to blame. Because I mean this has to be someone's fault.  Not yours.  Someone else in your life.  Mom. Dad. Grandma. Michael Jackson. Hitler. Jesus. It is so easy to blame others for our outcomes in life; because then it tis not your responsibility to deal with it.  I don't have a job and it is the governments fault, so the government must fix it. Problem is the government isn't bothered about what bothers you, so they will(if they ever do) fix it in their time. Even after your death. 

Your no.1 resolution is to understand that it is nobody's fault.  But your responsibility. Your parents, the most obvious people to affect you greatly in your life did their best and both succeeded and failed.  They succeeded because you are here today and doing socially well.  They may have failed in some aspects which are still your issues, or better yet you failed to understand them. You need to remember that your parents were once children like you; in a time where children didn't question parents.  They were raised with iron fists; and had to make it in that era. They took exactly what they learned and simply transferred all that they believe to be good practise to you. Your life and what you do with it is your sole responsibility.

No.2 direction you could take is knowing yourself.  Unfortunately most of the time to know yourself you need to undo yourself.  Yes.  You need to rid yourself of most of what you know and think it right/wrong.  Painful experience. Getting to know yourself if the best act a human can do, and I believe best way to get even closer to God.  Getting to know you requires you to become aware of yourself.  Aware of how you behave and why, what you like and why, what you don't like and how, etc. Then look at your experiences and decide if you are working out for you; and if you are indeed serving.  The worst person is a broken person who is unaware of their brokenness; but leave trails of broken people everywhere they go.

You can see yourself in those around you.  One of the most greatest universal laws is that you receive what you give out.  Yes all those people around you sense an energy from you; and most times beings reciprocate.  Yes he cheated and left. What did you do? What actions could've moved another person to respond in that way towards you? And why does it hurt so much? All your experiences say a lot about you. And every morning you have another chance to become better.  Know you better. Serve better. Accept better. Love better. Be best.

I found myself

I found myself
Green, pink, red, yellow, red, black
I am not a rainbow
But a dough of all shades of all colours
I am the rain during the sunshine
And summer in June
I found myself
Ready for all flowing my way
Filtering only that deserves me
Giving only to that serves all
Rejecting all that crucifies humanity
Against all that raises my hair
Honest with me
I found myself
Unapologetically so
I have no size
No timetable
No must should cant's
Only choices for which I live
I found myself
I have happiness untapped
Deep within me where only God lives
No thing can infect that center
Everything can come from it
I need no thing to awake it
But the me I found
I found myself
Who knows nothing
But yet wants everything
Aware of all costs related
And ready to accept
Living in this minute
Forgiving myself a tad bit more
I found myself
Lost in me
Wandering around me
Blinded by what doesn't matter
Distracted by reality unreal
Pulled by dreams so real
I found my freedom

He saved me

In my state as I lie here
I've felt plain for hours
I imagine myself looking at myself
In the state I'm in
Gash across hairline on my bald patch
Dry skin from my days of blessings
But coloured toes and fingers
Atleast 5kg lighter than my birthday
I love me
And I will not allow hate to enter
My body is not tall or size 30
I am short like mama
Rounded bottoms from grandma
Plus my clinched waist from her too
Hands as glorious as feet
Scarred skin keeping my life's memories
I thank the Lord
He saved me.
To be here, To see this day.
Tomorrow is still a huge question?
What is my purpose today and tomorrow?
My head intact, My heart intact and my smile here
I pray every morning
I thank for life and ask for the light
One day i will know, it will make sense
Today will be explained by my yesterday's
My anxiety will finally end
My plan will meet his plan
Again i will be thankful that
He saved me.

This Dream

This dream I have been given
Haunts me day and night
For the longest time Ive come to know
It feeds on my happiness and sadness
But yet also feeds my happiness and sadness
This dream I feel in my vessels
Defines my behaviour daily
Relates me to those with me
Leads to to my promised land
And removes me from my comfort
This dream I know in my heart
Has created storms where there were none
Has brought calm in the storms
Separates me from those I thought I loved
And connects me to those I'm meant to love
This dream that lives in me
Refuses to die, to leave, to diminish
It demands fulfillment at all costs
It is selfish of my wants
It dares challenge what Ive come to know
And offers what I can only imagine
This dream that is mine
Clings to my back with claws so deep
Forcing me to turn and face it
Begging me to create it
Asking me to live to my full potential
Telling me to let go and let be
Saying ‘Live your life’